Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 48146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 160(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 160(@300wpm)
“Just out of curiosity, what did Emil say to make you change your mind?”
They threw each other wary looks, and Dad said, “He told us how glad he was that his parents were so involved in his life, even when he was away at college.”
“He also said you were excited about the classes in your new major,” Mom added.
Frustration boiled over like hot lava in my chest. “So you felt guilty? That’s why you decided to show up?”
Mom glanced at Dad. “No, that’s not what—”
I made an exasperated sound as I paced in front of them. I could scarcely contain all the pent-up disappointment I’d felt over the years—and suddenly, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“And you still had to bring up Brody every five seconds!”
Dad reared back. “Where is this coming from?”
“Seriously? Did you not hear yourself in there?” I motioned toward the building. “Whether you realize it or not, you’re always comparing us. Almost like you can’t help yourselves. I’m not Brody, and I never will be.”
“Of course you’re not.” Dad tried to squeeze my shoulder, but I shrugged him off. “We never said—”
“You don’t have to! I miss him too. And I wish you could be as proud of me as you are of him. I get that I don’t hold a candle to him, but— You know what? Never mind. I guess I was hoping you came today for me, not because my roommate made you feel guilty.”
I stormed off, not looking back, somehow knowing my parents were still standing there in a daze. Good. At least I’d finally said my piece.
Guilt tried to worm its way inside me, but I tamped it down. I wandered around aimlessly because I didn’t know where the hell to go. I certainly didn’t want to return to the rotunda or to my room. Besides, most students would be going off with their parents to the dorms or to dinner…
But I wasn’t going to feel sorry for myself. When I spotted the bell tower, I thought I’d see what all the rage was. Besides, it didn’t explicitly belong to Lark and Henners, even though they’d sort of claimed it by using it as their secret sanctuary last year. Before their relationship was revealed. And after.
I slipped through the door and went inside. The stone stairs were narrow and steep, but I kept climbing until I was standing directly below the enormous bell. Damn, no wonder they liked this place so much. I looked out at the rolling hills and breathed in the fresh air. It helped chase away some of the panic.
I’d walked on eggshells around my parents since Brody died because I was afraid to bring them any more grief. But all it did was make me bury my feelings until I exploded like a shaken can of soda.
Fuck, I wished I could crack open a beer and down it, but that would only camouflage these feelings, and, in that moment, I felt more alive than I had in a long while.
Except for those times with Emil.
I sat down against the stone wall and listened to all the sounds around campus. The wind, birds chirping, students and their parents in animated conversations.
I stayed there for…I didn’t even know how long.
My phone buzzed with a text from Emil. All good?
I frowned as I typed. Not really. I got into an argument with my parents before they left.
I’m sorry. Where are you?
I glanced out at the clouds. Any other time, he would’ve gotten a kick out of my location. Somewhere safe and alone.
Was it anything I did or said?
Damn, he was feeling guilty.
No, it wasn’t you. It was them.
What do you mean?
I’d hoped they came today because they wanted to know me better, not because they felt obligated. It’s hard to explain.
I growled in frustration.
I think I get it. Let me know if you need anything.
Thanks.
When my cell rang with a call from my mom, I ignored it. My dad tried too, but I wasn’t ready to talk to them. My gut churned. I’d probably confused the hell out of them and caused them further angst. Fuck.
A text from Flash came next. Want to hang out and watch football?
Sometimes we got together to watch high school ball on Friday nights and dissected the game because what else would we do?
Maybe.
Meet us at the clubhouse.
Instead, I pulled up my email.
Brody,
I think I’m finally coming out from under your shadow. I had words with Mom and Dad, and I told them I was different than you and said my piece. Well, mostly. It was a start. I know they just miss you so much. And so do I. But right now, I don’t know how to fix this. I suppose it would’ve helped if I didn’t walk away from them.
Until we meet again.