Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 131888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 528(@250wpm)___ 440(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 528(@250wpm)___ 440(@300wpm)
Some men, especially cops, had this mistaken idea that crying showed weakness. But the truth was, everyone cried at one point or another. And Nox had every reason to do so. No one would ever judge him for it. If someone did, that person had a dried up, wrinkled heart and zero empathy.
Or never experienced a loss as tragic as Nox.
Once his breathing was somewhat normal and the sniffling subsided, he held onto her hips and got back to his feet. But he still didn’t move away. Instead, he circled his arms around her waist again and tucked her head under his chin, holding her close.
She rubbed his back and lost track of how long they stood there connected, sharing both their energy and sadness.
Eventually she asked, “What was her name?”
It took him forever to answer and when he did, he had to take a deep inhale first. Most likely to keep from falling apart again. “I never named her.”
Holy shit. She was not expecting that answer. She couldn’t just ask, “Why not?” She needed to handle the questions that popped in her head carefully. “She wasn’t buried?”
“She was with Jackie.”
Her brow furrowed. “In the same coffin?” Was that even allowed?
“I didn’t need to get her one. She couldn’t be… saved, so they never…” He pulled in another deep breath. “They never…”
It hit Liyah what he was trying to say. The baby remained in the womb. She stayed tucked safely within her mother.
Two souls remained connected for eternity. While another became lost, trying to figure out how to survive without them.
Good God, his situation was so much worse than she originally thought. And she had no words that would make it any better.
It wasn’t true that time healed all wounds. Eventually the pain might dull, but it would never go away completely. Nox would carry it with him until the day he was laid in the ground himself.
Just like Liyah would miss Mark until the day she took her last breath. And she’d also feel sad that her son missed out on a relationship with his father.
“You didn’t choose a name beforehand?” Most parents at least had a short list once they found out the sex of the baby. And from how Nox talked, he knew the baby was a girl.
“I made her wait. I wanted to meet her first. It was my fault that she didn’t have a name.”
“But you can fix that by naming her now. She’s still your daughter. She will be forever.” And it might help with closure. Because clearly, he hadn’t had any.
“I don’t know,” came muffled against her scarf.
He stepped back, turning away immediately and walking across the kitchen. Most likely to hide his red eyes and swollen nose. The proof he had broken down.
“Think about it. It doesn’t have to be today. Or even tomorrow. Do it when you’re ready. Because, Nox, she existed. And she still owns a piece of your heart.”
“Sorry for fucking up your breakfast plans.”
As soon as she said, “Nox, you are more important than breakfast,” he spun and headed back to her with his eyes intense.
He didn’t stop until he ran into her, enveloping her tightly in his arms and whispering, “Thank you.”
Why did him thanking her break her heart even more? “I didn’t do anything.”
“Yes, you did. You did more than you know.”
Aaliyah was right. He should name his daughter and add it to the headstone. He hadn’t stopped thinking about it since she encouraged him to do so.
He had only “mother and child” engraved under Jackie’s name. At the time, he hadn’t been thinking too clearly and wasn’t sure what to put. Plenty of space remained to add his daughter’s name.
However, even though the thought had been on his mind since she mentioned it, he wasn’t sure he was ready to pick a name. To sit down and really concentrate on it. He was afraid of what that might stir up again. One breakdown this weekend was enough.
Were things improving? Slowly. And he had to credit Liyah for that.
After spending that whole weekend at her place—only leaving at the same time she left to pick up her boys—he began to look forward to attending the Wednesday night grief group.
Not so he could share, but because he knew he’d see her.
He would tolerate the circle because that meant he could sit next to her. Being near her partially filled the emptiness inside him.
He’d been living in a bubble consisting of only work and his MC ever since he found himself a widower. So, he surprised himself by looking forward to spending time with her. Unfortunately, finding that time wouldn’t be easy between her business, him being on the task force and trying to keep their connection a secret. From both her family and also his.
He didn’t want her to be spotted going into his apartment. And he couldn’t stay at her place when her boys were home. That would make their time together very limited, but he was good with whatever he could get.