Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“Now you’re being absurd. But go ahead, keep telling me how beautiful I am.”
“You have poise. Even when you’re pissed. Also, fuck-me eyes.”
“I do not have fuck-me eyes,” I say, hand coming to my mouth. “What does that even mean?”
“It’s this sultry, lurid stare, like you need me inside of you.”
“I have never looked at someone like that in my life. I’m pretty sure I have the opposite. I have fuck-you eyes.”
He reaches out and touches my hand. For a second, I want to brush him off, but instead our fingers intertwine. I’m smiling, and he’s smiling, and I feel good. It’s normal, weirdly normal, like we’re actually together—actually married—and if I closed my eyes, I might even admit that I liked it.
“This is what I want,” he says, tightening his grip on my hand. “This, right here.”
“I do too,” I whisper, even though I know I shouldn’t say it. I’m only giving him hope.
“Something normal and good. Something I can look forward to, right?”
“Yeah.” I blink a few times. “But no.”
“Keely—”
“I mean, I like this.” I keep holding his hand, not wanting to get go. “I really like it. And maybe if things were different, maybe I might say that I’m feeling the same way you are.”
His eyes narrow, intensifying. “Are you telling me what I think you are?”
“I’m telling you that it can’t work. It won’t work, you know that. There are too many reasons why it won’t work.”
“Reasons are easy to fix.”
“Come on. That’s just a line.”
“It’s true. Whatever’s holding you back, tell me. I’ll make it go away. I’m very persuasive, as you know.”
Slowly, I slip my hand away. “You can’t fix some things.”
Because the thing holding me back is the baby.
Even if I feel good with Nolan, even if I like the way our relationship’s developing, I can’t let myself get too attached, because the idea of turning my child into a Crowley boy is terrifying.
Look at the brothers, look at how they’ve lived—like all the privilege is wrapped in a bloody cloth—my baby won’t be like them, not if I have a choice.
Everything I’m doing, it’s for my child. The money the risk.
And walking away from him.
I know it’s wrong, it’s selfish. This is Nolan’s child too. Except I don’t want my baby to end up like him. As horrible as that may be.
“I’ve got one more surprise for you.” He gets up suddenly. “Before you make up your mind.”
“Nolan—”
“Just come on.” He checks his watch. “It’s a half-hour drive. You up for it?”
“Where are we going?”
He holds out his hand. “It’s a good day, right? You’re having a good day?”
“Yeah, I’m having a good day.”
“Then trust me.”
I take his hand and let him help me up. “All right. I’ll trust you for a little bit longer. But I reserve the right to safe word the hell out of here.”
“The moment you say it, I’ll drive you straight home.” He kisses my cheek. “But you won’t.”
Chapter 34
Keely
He drives me out to the suburbs.
I’m not sure what I expected, but definitely not this. Nolan seems out of place beyond the city limits, like the moment the streets widen and the lawns look clean, he suddenly feels like an anachronism. A product of another world and a different time.
Boston proper turns to old single-family houses. Victorian-style structures with peaked roofs, lovely landscaping, and columns around big front porches. Beautiful, shady avenues, and lots of little local shops. “Reminds me of home,” I say quietly as he turns into a neighborhood.
“Really? You don’t talk about home much.”
“There isn’t a whole lot to say. My parents are assholes. My small town was stifling. I got out of there as soon as I could.”
“But it looked like this?”
I hesitate. “Not as nice,” I admit.
“This is one of the best zip codes on the East Coast. There’s old money here.” He drives slowly. I stare at the massive houses, at the pristine bushes and trees, at the nice cars parked in the driveways.
“Nice place to raise kids, I bet.” I glance at him and note the smile on his face. Like he’s happy I made that comment.
“Schools are perfect. Private or public, they’re both fantastic.”
He approaches a home at the far end of the street on a shady dead-end corner. A small forest extends away, and the house’s yard breaks up against it. Nolan parks in the driveway, killing the engine.
I squint around. “What are we doing here? You’re not kidnapping me, are you?”
“I already did that,” he says. “I like to keep things fresh. Can’t repeat old ideas. Come on.” He gets out without an explanation.
I don’t love this situation but I can’t just sit in the car all day. I follow him, feeling nervous as we go around the walkway to the porch. “Are we breaking into this place?” I ask as he approaches the door. “We’re not robbing it, are we?”