Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Nolan says nothing. It’s like I’m the only person in the whole world. His attention again, breaking up against me like waves onto sand.
Ash disappears, the door shutting behind her.
I say nothing. I cross my arms, waiting. If he wanted to trick me into coming here, then he can be the one to start our little talk. As far as I’m concerned, I have nothing to say to him—though seeing him in person again does crack some of my resolve.
“I wish I’d known from the start,” he says, sounding mournful.
“What would you have done differently?”
“I don’t know,” he admits. “Gone slower. Made sure you had the correct vitamins, doctor appointments, all of that.”
I grimace, shaking my head. “You can’t help yourself, can you?”
“You’re pregnant with my child.” There’s more emotion in those words than I’ve ever heard from him before. It makes my heart stutter.
“I know.” I can’t look at him. It hurts too badly. “You don’t have to be involved.”
“Do you think I’d walk away from this?”
“I think you imagine what it will be like to be a father, but do you really know?”
“Of course I do. I think about it all the time.”
“Nolan, your life would change. No, don’t talk over me, listen. I don’t want some absent husband that’s always at work and barely ever spends time with his own kids. I don’t want my child to be raised by nannies. I’d want you there, present, as often as you can be, an active participant. But I don’t think you get what that means.”
“I understand the sacrifice it would entail.” His fingers dig into the work table. “I know my life would change. But that’s exactly why I decided to marry you, Keely. I crave change, almost as much as I crave you.”
I shiver but refuse to let him convince me that easily. “I know you think this is what you want, but I don’t want to take that risk. I don’t want my children to be raised by someone that resents them.”
He looks baffled, head shaking. “Resents them? Where is this coming from?”
“I’m only thinking things through, which you’re not doing.”
“This is my child.” He stares at me, and some of the rage from before begins to surface. “My child, Keely. You are my wife, and you’re pregnant with my baby. Come home. Stop this.”
“No,” I say, backing up.
“Keely. I’m not going to turn my back on you. I’m not giving up.” He comes around the work table, advancing on me with that too-intense attention.
“Nolan,” I say. “Please, stop it. I’m trying to decide what I want. This is all so confusing, and your family doesn’t make it any easier.”
“My family has nothing to do with this,” he says, still coming. “This is about me and you and our baby. That’s all I want. That’s all I care about. I won’t stop until I have you both.”
“You’re getting too close.” He’s a few feet away and still coming, a looming, terrifying monster. “Will you stop it, please?”
“Keely Crowley, my wife, my something, you are mine—”
“Beelzebub!” I snap the safe word out like a whip. He stops instantly, eye widening in surprise, his hand inches away from grabbing my wrist. I scamper back against the door, putting more space between us.
“You really want me to leave you alone?” He sounds hurt, confused.
“Give me space to think, okay? Give me time to figure this out.”
His jaw works and I can tell he’s suppressing this anger. Fear filters through me, fear at what he might do, and fear over what he might be like in the future. A temper like that is a dangerous thing.
“Decide fast,” he says, voice soft. “Because every day you’re away from me is another day I spend in agony.”
“You can handle the pain.” I shove the door open and stumble through, then slam it shut behind me.
Ash is sitting up front. She stands as I approach. My hands are trembling, and tears roll down my face.
She says nothing. Only puts an arm around me and steers me back out onto the sidewalk.
Chapter 39
Keely
I drown my sorrows at Smoke that night.
Since I can’t have alcohol, I stick to seltzer after seltzer, poured by a concerned Bernie. She comes around and sits me with during a lull in business. “I heard about the baby,” she says, giving me a quick hug. “I know it’s hard, but we’re here for you. Even Fulco. Well, probably Fulco.”
I laugh at that. “Thanks, Bern.”
“We’re family. Seriously, I mean it. I’ll help you raise that fucking baby myself. How hard can it be? Throw it on my boob when you need a break.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
“Ah, sure it is. Let the kid suck away, I’ll produce milk eventually.”
I make a horrified face. “If a guy sucks your nipple for long enough—”