Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 58150 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 291(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58150 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 291(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
“Matt’s talking about kids. Well, kid. His sister’s kid. She wants to put it up for adoption, and I know Matt will want to take in the kidlet.”
“Without discussing it with you first?”
“Oh, he will, but how am I supposed to say, ‘No, you can’t provide a stable life for your blood niece or nephew, because I’m a selfish, selfish man.’”
“Well, you are that,” Aron says dryly, then turns serious. “Just talk to him. Tell him you’re not ready.”
“How did you know you were ready?”
“Wyatt and I talked about it. Together.” Aron gasps. “Shocking concept for you and Matt, I know.”
“Hey, we talk. I kind of already told him I’m in this with him whatever he wants.”
Aron chuckles. “Of course you did. So, your choices are either go back home and say, ‘No, wait, let’s talk about this before I make any impulsive decisions’ or you need to come to terms with adopting an actual real-life human baby in a few months. How far along is she?”
“Umm … I don’t know, but you can tell she’s pregnant just by looking at her.”
“Okay, so you need to come to terms with it super fast. When we were looking into options, adoption was going to take a few years, and when Rebecca and Skylar offered, we still had the whole pregnancy to get used to it. You don’t have that luxury.”
Nope. Certainly don’t.
“For what it’s worth? As exhausted as I am, I wouldn’t trade Ryan for the world. He and Wyatt are my everything.”
And Matt’s my everything. I’ll move heaven and earth for him, and that sounds a lot harder than simply having a baby.
Right?
When I do eventually come home at dinnertime, my brave face is in place.
“Hey, you’re home,” Matt says.
“Yeah, sorry I was gone all day. I ended up at the new Rainbow Beds.”
After I hung up from Aron, I decided to actually be productive for the day.
Matt smiles at me. Rainbow Beds in New York was my baby, but I gave up the reins three years ago when it kept pulling my attention away from Matt in Chicago during football season. I’m still involved but not in charge, and a Chicago location is opening soon, so I’m pitching in where I can.
It worked for a great distraction today.
“I managed to get an appointment for tomorrow for the lawyer,” I say.
Matt’s face falls a little. “Thanks, but I should’ve messaged. We, uh”—he glances at his sister and then back at me—“don’t need it anymore.”
My brow furrows.
“I’m keeping the baby,” Fern says.
This is the part where I’m supposed to be overjoyed. Ecstatic. Feel like I’m free of all responsibility, because let’s face it, I think I’m allergic to that.
But I’m not any of those things.
Surprising disappointment kicks me in the nuts. I was so sure I knew where this was heading—me, Matt, and a baby.
I spent all day getting used to the idea. I should be relieved. Why am I not relieved? Not even a little bit?
Sitting through dinner, I keep telling myself what no baby means.
Nothing changes.
I love my life.
There’s no longer the threat of a screaming baby and diapers filling my future.
I can day drink!
Okay, yeah, I don’t do that. But I could take it up.
As Jet would say, hashtag life goals.
“I’m exhausted,” I say.
“Conveniently too exhausted to do the dishes?” Matt asks.
“Of course.” I stand and head for our bedroom, singing, “Shouldn’t have fired the maid.”
Fern laughs.
I strip down and get into bed, still unable to shake the disappointment.
Matt comes in after he cleans up after dinner.
His arms wrap around me as he climbs into bed and rolls me over to face him. “She never wanted to give the baby up. She just thought she had no other option.”
“So what did you give her?” I ask.
“Money.” He stops me before I can interrupt. “I know what you’re thinking—what if she’s like our parents and won’t stop, but we made a deal. I’m paying for her living and childcare expenses so she can go to school and not have to worry about getting a job. Raising a baby while studying is gonna be hard enough without student loan debt or bills to worry about. She’s smart. She wants to stay and work in Tennessee when she graduates, and I’m giving her the chance to pay me back—those were her terms. You should’ve seen her face when I gave her the option of having both school and the baby.”
I can tell he’s disappointed even if he’s happy for his sister. “You’re sad though.”
Matt shakes his head. “Nah. I’m happy it’s just you and me. A screaming baby? No, thanks.” He’s about as convincing as one of my dad’s old political promises.
“Can I admit something to you?”
“Always. But let me guess. You’re relieved as fuck.”
I take a deep breath, because admitting this is hard, and I know once this is out there, it’s gonna change everything. “I’m disappointed.”