Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
"Where's Brewer?" I asked. I didn't recognize my own voice because it sounded rusty.
"My driver, Andre, is keeping him at the cabin. I can have him bring him home whenever you want."
When I’d gone over to Lex's to confront him about the hole he'd opened up inside of me, I hadn't wanted Brewer with me anymore. I wasn't proud of my reasons for being so willing to give the dog up. I found myself voicing those reasons to Lex.
"He's been keeping me going. I've spent the past two years telling myself that he needs me and that if I'm gone, he has no one."
"He's not the only one who needs you, Gideon. I went into town this week to pick up a few things from Merv's. That lady, the one who talked to you on the road that day—"
"Mrs. Goldfinch," I supplied.
"Yeah, Mrs. Goldfinch. She recognized me from that day. The only thing she talked about more than you, Gideon, was her grandkids. I think I spent at least forty-five minutes in the canned vegetables section listening to her tell me what an amazing man you are. She said you plow all the streets and private driveways when there's snow and no matter what fundraiser is going on, you always contribute to it. She said you helped her and her husband fix their house when there was water damage from a broken pipe and that any time some hiker goes missing in the area, you’re out there night and day searching for them."
Between Lex's gentle voice and his hypnotic touch as he stroked my hair, I could only lie there and listen as he spoke. I opened my mouth to tell him those things were nothing, but he beat me to the punch by saying, "You've touched so many lives without even trying, Gideon. Even if you don't want to be a part of the world, the world obviously wants you to be a part of it. I think that’s something that Bethie would be incredibly proud of. And if this is who you are even after suffering such a terrible, unimaginable loss, then what does that say about the man you were before you lost part of your family?" Lex paused and then I felt his lips caressing my forehead. "Your life is not over, Gideon. Do you hear me?" Lex asked, parroting nearly the same exact words I'd said to him weeks earlier.
There were a million things I wanted to say to him like how I didn't deserve his respect or admiration or how I'd played a role in what had happened to Bethie, but his faith in me felt like too much of a gift. He could've just as easily turned his back on me when I’d pushed him away, but he hadn't. I didn't know what any of it meant and I was honestly too tired to think about it.
"Lex?" I murmured as my eyes grew heavy. I hadn't slept much in the past week except for when I'd been passed out in a drunken stupor.
"Hmmm?" Lex responded.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked. I knew I didn't deserve his kindness after the harsh things I'd said to him earlier, but I needed it just the same. I didn't know how to tell him that though. Fortunately, I didn't have to because his response was both simple and instant.
"Yes."
Chapter Nineteen
Lex
Fight for him, Lex. You're stronger than you think.
Those had been King's words of advice after I'd told my brother about Gideon. He'd been absolutely right. I'd used every bit of the love in my heart, tough and gentle alike, to try and bring Gideon back and it had seemingly worked. No, it hadn't been an instant fix, but after nearly three weeks, I was starting to see little bits and pieces of the man I'd fallen in love with return.
Gideon and I spent the first week doing nothing more than lying in bed together. When he hadn't been clinging to me after a random memory would cause him to dissolve into tears, he would lie in my arms in complete silence. I'd worried about him, of course, but I'd also known he was going through the very thing he'd refused to go through immediately after his daughter had died.
Grief.
So I hadn't pushed him to do anything but mentally work through the reality that his child really was gone. By the second week, he’d been emotionally and physically worn out and so I hadn’t been able to get him to do much more than get out of bed long enough to eat something. I'd paid Andre handsomely to go out and find us food each day that was something we could just microwave, since I hadn’t been comfortable enough to cook for myself, let alone Gideon. Not that Gideon had eaten much, but by the end of the second week, he’d started to join me at the table and had picked at his food. The only way I'd known that was because after he’d left the table, I'd felt around his plate to see how much food was still sitting on it.