Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
I forced back the sour taste in my mouth that came along with the guilt I was feeling for how I’d treated Lex. It hadn't been fair to take all my anger out on him, but the reality was that I’d been doing a pretty damn good job of forgetting about what Serena had done to our children. Others had tried to do what Lex had done, but he’d been the first to succeed in making me relive the past. It was just further proof that he was too far under my skin.
I yanked the door open with every intent of telling Lex just to keep my dog because the animal was better off with him, but before I could get a word out, two hands flew out and caught me square in the chest. The shove wasn't hard enough to knock me on my ass, but I did stumble back a few steps from the sheer shock of Lex lashing out at me.
"Do I have your attention now?" Lex yelled as he stomped into my house. Since I hadn't spoken, he didn't know what direction to look in to try and make eye contact with me, but that didn't slow him down.
"Why is it different for you, Gideon?" he asked, his voice harsher than I'd ever heard it.
"What—" was all he let me get out.
"You told me my life wasn't over! You're a hypocrite! You want me to go out there and deal with the fact that I'm blind but you don't have to figure out how to move on!"
His words hurt like hell, mostly because they were true. But as always, the idea of moving on without Bethie only served to rip me wide open all over again. "My kid is gone, Lex! She's not coming back! How the fuck am I supposed to move on from that?"
Lex seemed to soften just a bit. He stepped forward, his hands out in front of him. It would've been easy enough for me to move out of his reach, but I stayed where I was. When his hands touched my chest, he gripped my shirt. "I know that, Gideon. And I know you're hurting in a way that I'll never understand. But you're still here. I have to believe there's a reason for that. You have another child—"
"A child who hates me," I snapped.
Lex slowly moved his hands up so he was clasping my face. "Please don't give up, Gideon," Lex suddenly whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. This time his voice was even softer. "Please, my love, don't give up."
If the endearment hadn't gotten my attention, the way he brushed his mouth over mine certainly would have. It was a sweet, soft, heartbreakingly gentle kiss that carried a thousand pounds’ worth of meaning behind it. I felt his heartbreak in it. The heart that was broken for me, for my loss and for my pain. I closed my eyes and tried to steel myself against this man, but even now my hands were reaching for him. The pain I'd been trying to dull with alcohol for the better part of the week radiated out to my limbs, leaving me feeling weak and helpless.
I found myself wrapping my arms around Lex's waist. I drew on his strength because without it, I felt like I would shatter into a million pieces. Bethie's sweet face appeared behind my eyelids and then her happy voice was in my ear as she sang me her favorite song from whatever TV show or movie she was obsessed with.
"Fuck, Lex," I croaked. "She was so beautiful. She was just so beautiful."
"I know she was, sweetheart."
The bitter tears that I was certain I'd banished for good came back with a vengeance and by the time they were done, Lex and I were on the floor with me cradled against his chest. I was physically and emotionally exhausted by the time the tears dried up. I had no desire to move and Lex seemed to be in no hurry to release me, so I stayed where I was and focused on the sensation of his fingers running through my hair. He didn't ask if I was feeling better and he didn't placate me with the standard "I'm sorry" line that I always got when someone found out my child was dead. He also didn't press me to tell him any more details or explain how I'd ended up in Fisher Cove or what I wanted or needed to happen next. The only sound in the room was the steady ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall… the cheap little clock with apples on it that my grandmother had had in the kitchen from the time they’d moved into the place. Strangely enough, the sound was oddly comforting. I wasn't really sure why.