Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 91507 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91507 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
“You love mermaids.”
Hop hummed his agreement and returned to Rafe’s chest. “Do your parents know you swing both ways?”
“It’s just Mom now, Dad died when I was fourteen. And, not exactly, I dated a girl in high school, but when Dad passed, my focus shifted. After that, I never talked about those things. I was too busy working.”
“You mean, too busy pulling me out of disasters.”
“Not just you. Even before we met, I was holding down two jobs, studying and following Roland’s directives. I was rarely home and when I was, it was to eat or straighten my brothers out. Then my sister had her accident and I started pushing myself even harder.”
“I always thought you were the guy my father replaced me with. I resented you and envied you too. Then you came looking for me and became this constant in my life when everything felt like it was out of control. I depended on you.”
“I know.”
“After a while, I developed a ridiculous crush on you.”
Rafe’s fingers flexed on Hop’s bare hip. “I knew that too.”
Hop sat up. “You did?”
“You’ve never been good at hiding your true feelings.” He cupped Hop’s cheek.
“Oh.” How did he feel about this new revelation?
“I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I had a girlfriend and you were so young, so troubled.”
Another long stretch of silence spread around them. Hop’s mind whirled. Was that why Rafe had stopped coming around? He hugged himself as a chill disrupted their comfortable bubble.
“I’m terrified of crowds,” Rafe said. “The crush of bodies around me, strangers everywhere I look.” He shuddered.
“Okay?”
“I didn’t want you to be the only one making confessions.” His gaze was soft and sweet and it reassured Hop a little.
“So, crowds? How big?”
Rafe moved to lean against the headboard and tucked Hop under his arm. “Doesn’t matter, even a handful of strangers is enough to set me off. A couple times in college I ended up having panic attacks because I kept trying to get over it. I’d force myself to do things like run for student council or go to rush parties. I’ve gone to therapy to get over it, but I still can’t handle them well.”
“You’re a club owner.”
“Yeah, I know. That was another obstacle I gave myself to prove I could conquer anything.” He shook his head cynically.
“Wow.”
“Gives you some insight into my inner control freak, doesn’t it?”
“Well, yeah, but actually, I’m jealous of your nerve.”
“It was just an unwillingness to have a weakness.”
Hop disagreed, but he kept quiet.
“Besides, you’ve got plenty of nerve. You dance every night wearing five-inch ankle-breakers. You keep your heart on your sleeve and don’t take anyone’s crap. You’re the boldest, most confident person I know.”
That wasn’t how he saw himself at all. “Really?”
“Yeah, pet, but what makes you amazing is the fact that you willingly bottle all that awesomeness up and kneel for me merely because I ask you to. It makes me dizzy sometimes. You are tougher than you know.”
“I don’t feel tough.”
“Haven’t you learned by now how much bravery it takes to submit?”
“I never thought about it like that before.”
“Start.”
“Yes, sir.” Rafe thought he was strong and brave. Hell, Hop wanted to be, wanted to become Rafe’s version of him. “My greatest fear is being alone.” He paused. “Not like in a room or in the dark or whatever. I can even take being by myself in the apartment for a while, but sometimes I start thinking about my mom dying or my friends abandoning me and I get these knots in my stomach.” More like suffocating boulders that made him feel like he was dying. “I’m terrified of living the rest of my life without people to lean on because I’m not sure I could handle it on my own.”
Rafe squeezed Hop tighter. “I’ve got you, pet, I promise.”
For now. How long would it last? That was the third time that night Rafe had promised to be there in the future. Seven years ago, he’d believed Rafe would always rescue him and then he hadn’t. Hop still didn’t know why.
* * *
Rafe watched Hop push cereal around in his bowl the next morning. He’d woken to the sound of the shower running and had found Hop, head bowed under the spray. His posture had been defensive and somber. Rafe hadn’t wanted to intrude, so he’d quietly left the room and gone into the kitchen to make coffee.
Now he wished he’d confronted the problem then, because clearly something was on Hop’s mind.
“Something bothering you?”
“No.”
Oookay. “Do you have plans today?”
One shoulder lifted, still no eye contact.
“Hop.” Rafe set his spoon on the table. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, why would there be something wrong?”
“You’re acting strange.”
“I’m not allowed to have feelings now?” He pushed his bowl away and crossed his arms.
“Have all the feelings you want, just share them with me.”