Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 91507 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91507 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
“You don’t need to know everything, sir,” Hop said with a sneer.
Both palms on the table, Rafe stood, slowly and with purpose. “Watch it.”
“Or what?”
“Are you testing me? Or yourself?”
A glimmer of apprehension passed through Hop’s overly bright blue eyes before he glanced away. “Neither.”
“Try again.”
The muscles in Hop’s jaw popped, but he didn’t speak. Rafe circled the table, pulled Hop’s chair out and knelt.
“Talk to me. I can’t help unless you tell me the problem.”
“I don’t need your help.”
Rafe pinched his chin and brought his face around. “Do you want me to fuck it out of you?”
The strangest expression crossed Hop’s face, Rafe couldn’t make it out. He looked...almost...hurt.
“No,” he said, voice cracking.
“Hop—”
“Can’t I keep this one thing to myself?” Yep, definitely hurt. But there was also anger, frustration, self-preservation—all those defensive walls Rafe remembered but hadn’t seen in a long time. Hop had said no. Rafe should stop pushing.
But...
“I’m sorry, pet. I can’t give you that.” He kissed Hop’s forehead and rose to his feet. “Take your time. I’ll be in my office when you’re ready.”
“What? Are you serious? You’re going to keep me prisoner?”
“Not at all.” Rafe cleared the dishes from the table.
“So I can leave?”
“If that’s what you want.”
Hop pushed to his feet violently and stomped out of the kitchen. Rafe rinsed off the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Then he calmly returned the cereal to the cupboard and the fruit to the fridge.
In the entryway, he found Hop staring at his heels, hands in fists at his sides. His entire body was tense and shaking. Rafe stood in the doorway, a quiet observer to Hop’s struggle. This was the moment. This was the choice Hop had to make on his own—stay or walk away. Accept or deny. Give in or fight.
“Why didn’t you come?” Hop asked.
“When?”
“Seven years ago, you didn’t come. You’d always come before and then you didn’t. Why?”
Rafe closed his eyes. “Is that what you’re thinking about? You think I abandoned you?”
Hop whipped around. “Didn’t you?”
“I didn’t have a choice.” Rafe took a step toward him, but Hop backed up.
“There’s always a choice, you taught me that.”
“Not that time, if I’d gone he would have cut you and your mother out of his will and put a stop to your allowance.”
“What are you talking about? We’re not in his will and he sure as hell has never given me a cent.”
“How did you imagine your mother could afford a two-bedroom apartment on her salary?”
Hop opened his mouth and then paused.
“He’s been giving her a weekly stipend since you were born. All those art classes you took? He paid for them. All those opportunities you squandered? He arranged them.”
Hop was shaking his head now. “No.”
“Yes, and you are both in his will.”
“He never cared.”
“No, he never cared, but he did support you. If he’d stopped, your life would have changed. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“Why? Why would he send you to take care of me and then tell you not to? It makes no sense.”
“Because you didn’t stop acting out, he thought I’d failed and you couldn’t be helped. He threatened to wash his hands of you and your mother for good, but I convinced him you’d made progress and you were going to school in another state. If I’d helped you again, he would have found out it was all a lie.”
There was still wariness in Hop’s eyes and an unapproachable curl to his shoulders. “So, you disappeared from my life and let me land in the hospital?”
“What?” Rafe’s stomach dropped.
“Didn’t you know?”
“Tell me.” Now he did close the distance, but only enough to grab Hop’s hand. “What happened?”
“I... I...” He shook his head. “Didn’t understand.” He hit himself in the chest with a fist. “Always searching for something but never knowing what, I kept getting into bad situations.”
“I’m sorry. I thought you were acting out to get attention.”
“I was, partially. But also—”
“You needed to be mastered.”
A watery gaze of deep, deep blue blinked up at him. “Yes. I trusted the wrong person.”
Rafe ground his teeth together, closing his eyes as shame ate at him. “How bad?”
“It’s not your fault.”
“How bad, Hop?”
“Broken ribs, severe bruising, internal bleeding, a dislocated shoulder, and minor cuts.”
“Jesus.” He pulled Hop into a hug, because he couldn’t stand it any longer, this distance. The image of a young, naive Hop beaten and bleeding would haunt him for a long, long time.
Because he might have prevented it.
Because if he’d paid more attention he might have recognized Hop’s behavior for what it was.
If he hadn’t been so focused on himself, if he hadn’t been so angry, if he hadn’t been going through his own personal revelation, if he hadn’t been such an asshole...
If, if, if.
He’d accepted his inability to change the past right around the time he’d made the choice to fight Roland.