Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 96978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 323(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 323(@300wpm)
“Because I. Trust. You. I’m not a monster. But you are. You’ve closed yourself off, locked up all your feelings for so long you don’t even know who you are.” I look at her, memorizing every detail on her face because this is when I stop lying to myself.
“I thought I was enough. I thought loving you was enough, but it’s not.” I spit out, this is going nowhere, I need to go, get away from her. “Rachel is embezzling money from you. More than likely she’s your stalker.” She shakes her head, her hair wild, falling over each side of her shoulder.
“Why? For what purpose?” she says to herself, and if I didn’t love her, I’d feel pity for her. As it is, I’m barely holding myself in check, my anger just starting to come to the surface.
Rachel.
She trusts the cunt, but not me. I need to get out of here, otherwise I’m gonna grab her, shove her against the wall, and fuck her. Make her scream my name, not Rachel’s.
“Marshall, you have to listen to me…I do love you.” She grabs ahold of my forearm as I turn to leave, her nails dig into my skin, the sting almost satisfying.
“Don’t…” I snarl and her face pales. “Don’t humiliate yourself by saying it now, it’s not your style, Courtney.” She shakes her head, her eyes growing bigger, if that’s possible, and she holds on tighter.
I can’t forgive her for not loving me, and for not trusting that what we have together is perfect. But that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop loving her. She owns my heart. It will always be hers, and that’s my cross to bear.
“Marshall, I’m begging you…please, look at me.” She sobs, her hands are so cold as she reaches up to hold my face, and my eyes lock with her gold ones.
“I do see you, Courtney, all of you.” Reaching to grab ahold of her wrists, I utter the only thing that I can say right now because my heart is burning so painful, it almost brings me to my knees.
“Now, get the fuck out.”
COURTNEY
“Now, get the fuck out.” He slings my hands aside, and it’s like a blade has found its way into my chest. Fuck, I can’t breathe, he can’t be leaving?
“No.” I go to grab ahold of his shirt, only to have him easily move away.
Away.
“This can’t be happening,” I moan like a wounded animal, only none of this is fair as I try and breathe.
Jesus, look at his house, his beautiful, broken, and beaten-down house that yesterday was spotless and fresh.
God, it’s me. His house is just like me as his words replay in my head.
“I’m not a monster. But you are. You’ve closed yourself off, locked up all your feelings for so long you don’t even know who you are. I thought I was enough. I thought loving you was enough, but it’s not.”
This can’t be it; I had to question him, right? Rachel was on the floor…
“Rachel is embezzling money from you. More than likely she’s your stalker.”
Stalker.
And suddenly, I snap, like I feel it in my head. I can’t think anymore, all I know is that I love him, and I refuse to let him go.
“Marshall.” Forcing my legs to move, I follow him into the kitchen.
The kitchen, where I wanted to create and post my TikTok of him cooking shirtless…was that really yesterday? It seems like years ago.
“Don’t come in here.” His voice sounds so cruel, and I hesitate, watching him take out a bottle of Jäger from the freezer. His anger is almost vibrating out of him.
And I feel it, let it feed my own because he thinks he knows me, when I don’t even know myself.
But I know that I can’t shake this need I have for him, like a rash that starts small but continues to spread, maybe even fester.
That’s me.
He’s angry.
I have years and years of suppressed pain on him. He wants my trust…then he can see the real me.
“Fuck you, Ammo,” I hiss and walk in.
He lowers the bottle.
“I’m not going to say it again.” His voice is completely dead, but his eyes are not. They are alive and dark, like black clouds.
It should scare me, but I’m done with all that.
Fear, pain, it all merges together until here we are.
“I love you.” I take a step closer as his jaw starts to twitch and he brings the bottle to his lips slowly.
“I. Love. You.” My voice is hoarse, and I move closer as his eyes narrow, then he throws the bottle against the wall.
Hundreds, maybe thousands of tiny shards of green glass appear in the sunlight shining through his kitchen window, the spicy smell of licorice almost making me smile.
“Leave. You won’t like me like this.” He grabs me, and suddenly my back is against the wall, my head hits it with a thud, and it’s like I’m possessed as I claw at his chest, egging him on.