Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 140629 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 703(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140629 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 703(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
It was strange to sit next to this Gunner without it triggering a fight or flight response, but when Caspian took in his broad form now, all he could see was the man who’d craved his support and apologized for fucking up. The man who’d barely had a handle on his life, confused, in the closet, and constantly getting in trouble.
Gunner licked his lips, moving to the edge of the bed. At least both of them were wearing underwear, since this sofa bed wasn’t a private space. “Do you need help removing those?” he muttered and pointed to Caspian’s nipple.
Caspian cleared his throat. He wanted to say something funny and turn it all into a joke, but voice got stuck in his throat, and he shook his head instead, faking a smile. “Nah. I kind of dig this look. And it’s not like clients are gonna see it under my ironed T-shirts, right?” he asked and joined Gunner on the edge of the bed, painfully aware of how much they differed in terms of size.
And the strangest thing was that when he looked at his slim legs dusted with just a bit of hair next to Gunner’s tree trunk-like thighs, he no longer felt self-conscious. Yes, he was smaller. Yes, he’d never grow into the kind of hulking man Gunner was, but after seeing his own form as an outsider, he realized that there wasn’t anything wrong with it. It was as if a deforming film had been peeled off his eyes, allowing him to see who he was.
He wasn’t ugly, and never had been.
“Yeah? You gonna be that secret threat at the office? Undercover motherfucker.” Gunner snorted as he got up, and towered over Caspian.
“Yeah, I think—I think things will change for me,” Caspian said. His confused instincts told him to step closer and put his arms around Gunner’s midsection. He no longer saw himself as unattractive, but Gunner wasn’t into small guys. He wanted to be one himself, and regardless of Caspian’s secret desire, he didn’t want to make things between them any weirder.
So he stayed where he was and tried to focus on Gunner’s face rather than his body.
“I’m sorry about the trailer. And your friends. I really messed up.”
Gunner looked around for his jeans, because Caspian had been the one to take them off last night, but he’d found them before Caspian could have pointed out where they were. Just like he’d have to manage everything else without Caspian from now on.
“I guess they never were my friends in the first place. I’m really sorry about the tattoo. I wanted to retaliate, but it’s permanent, and I wasn’t thinking straight.”
Caspian shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s just a tattoo. At least I’ll have something to remember this crazy time by, right?” he asked with a small chuckle that left a scratch in his throat.
Don’t fall apart. Don’t fall apart. Don’t fall apart.
“And you’ll look like a badass at the boxing lessons. You’ll still come by, right?” Gunner asked, and despite standing there, six-foot-five and so broad in the shoulders, Caspian could now see the vulnerability in his brown eyes. Gunner might have changed on the outside, but he was still shy in romantic matters, had few friends, liked fruity shampoo and classical music. Still, his exterior inevitably affected how people perceived him, and his sensitive side was in direct opposition to his appearance.
Gunner needed help reinventing himself, and Caspian would be there for him, no matter how awkward spending time together might prove.
“Yes. And I’ll pay you for your time, of course. Do you—” He remembered last night’s fire, and his heart tightened a bit when Gunner approached the windowsill and picked up Fluffer, who must have walked over there as they slept. The cat let out a little meow and rubbed his forehead against Gunner’s when he leaned in toward it.
Caspian’s heart tightened with longing, wishing Gunner would do the same with him, but it wasn’t his place to make such demands anymore.
“I mean—do you have a place to stay? I know this is your family, but it’s because of me that you lost your home.”
“You did what you did, but it’s not exactly your fault Todd’s a pyromaniac psycho gay-hater.” Gunner sighed deeply and kissed Fluffer on the forehead as the cat stretched, resting its paws on Gunner’s shoulder. “Noah’s mom will let me stay here for a bit, I’m sure. And then I’ll sort something out. It’s not like I’ll need privacy to bring anyone over for a while.”
The thought of Gunner going off to find a new lover hit Caspian like a red-hot poker in the eye. He had no right to feel jealous, because they weren’t together, and the lust they’d shared had been caused by the crazy change in their bodies. But when he thought of some stranger climbing on top of Gunner—touching him, kissing him, clutching at the short hair at the top of his head—his brain went up in flames so scorching he could no longer think straight.