Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 82472 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82472 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
“I knew the cup would come in handy.” He smiles at me, making the goat’s tongue slide into his mouth. He gently pushes the goat away from himself. “Dude, you didn’t even buy me dinner,” he says, getting back on his mat.
“We are going to start off easy with the Sukhasana, which is the
Easy Pose,” she says, getting to her position on the floor, folding her legs over each other. She goes over the instruction on how to properly do the pose. A little brown goat comes up to me, jumping in the middle of my lap and then lying down, placing her head on my leg.
“Ouch.”
I open my eyes, looking over at Noah, who is now scratching his back on the side.
“Fucker bit me, twice,” he whispers to me.
I try not to laugh, but I giggle silently.
“How do I get him to be calm like that one?” He points to the goat that is now sleeping in my lap.
“It’s the energy you give out. I’m more Zen. You’re more rock and roll,” I tell him, closing my eyes and starting my breathing again.
“Just concentrate on your breathing,” Tammy says as she inhales and exhales. We stay in that position for about two minutes, her calm voice starting again. “We are going to head into Adho Mukha Svanasana, which is the Downward-Facing Dog Pose,” she says, getting on her hands and knees.
I don’t have to watch her to do the pose, but I open my eyes, taking in Noah, who tries to get into position on his hands and knees, but the goats are all over him, as if he is hoarding food in his body. He is about to get up to his toes when a goat goes to his ass. He nips his ass cheek, making Noah swing his hips a little, but the goat doesn’t let up and now his friend is coming to join in the party. This time both of the goats go straight for his asshole.
Noah bucks the goat off hissing, “Fuck off.”
I’m just watching it and laughing to myself as a goat jumps up on my back. I lower myself to my knees to make sure the goat doesn’t fall. Another goat is going up to Stephanie’s mat and just shits right next to her mat. Noah is still trying to get the goat out of his ass. He swings left, but the other goat gets right in where. The goat gets out, both of them basically eating his ass while he swings from side to side. His shorts are being pulled by their teeth from left to right.
“This is goat rape,” he says loudly while a goat goes on his mat and lies under him. He looks up and tries to bite the shirt that is hanging. “Umm, excuse me, uncomfortable here,” he says out loud, having Caroline get up and walk over to him, shooing the goats away with encouraging words.
“They really like you,” she says as one comes trotting over again, almost charging as if he’s a bull and Noah is waving the red flag. They are caught by Caroline just before they reach their prime target, which is Noah. Caroline stays next to Noah for the rest of the class to ward off all the goats who seem to be taken with him. He is actually even missing a piece of the hem of his shirt.
Tammy finally calls out the last pose of the night, which is the “Savasana” also known as the corpse. “Now this is known as the most challenging pose,” she starts off saying as she gets into position on her back. “It’s challenging because you lie there and free your mind of everything. However, your mind never really shuts up. I know many of you will be thinking about the email that you should have sent, or what you will eat for dinner.” She continues as she places her hands at her sides. “Or maybe some of you are wondering what that smell is, but here is something to help keep the menial thoughts at bay. I want you to think of something that would make you smile.”
I close my eyes, forcing my head to clear, for the thoughts to store away for the next three minutes. I focus on exactly what Tammy said. I think of something that makes me smile. I think of my niece and nephew, think of my family, no matter how neurotic they are. I smile, breathing in and out as a goat comes to sit next to me and another sits on top of me. I’m about to continue my happy thoughts when I hear Noah’s voice.
“Fucker,” he hisses out.
I peel my eyes open. He has three new goats around him. One is trying to eat his crotch, one is by his ear trying to chew the collar of his shirt, while another one just pounced on his stomach and then fell on the side and pounced back up again. Tammy finally declares the class over. Noah rolls to his knees and gets up, bending over to roll up his mat. I walk over to him.