Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 130159 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130159 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
None. He fucking hated this. Guilt weighed heavily on Beck’s heart and shoulders.
Plucking his cell phone from the nightstand, he checked the time. Just after four a.m.—an hour earlier than he wanted to be out of bed. But trying to drift off now was pointless. He had rounds to make. Might as well get to them. If he finished early, maybe he could approach Zach about moving out this afternoon and get him settled at the new place before Seth returned from work.
Carefully easing away from Heavenly’s warm body, he tossed back the covers and crept to the bathroom. After a quick shower and shave, he dressed, then headed to the kitchen for a much-needed caffeine infusion. But when he reached the bottom of the stairs, he found Zach sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of his own.
“Hey,” Beck greeted in a low murmur.
“Morning.”
“If you’re hungry, I can make you some breakfast. Or Heavenly saved you a steak and some salad from dinner last night. They’re in the fridge.”
“Thank you. I’m not hungry now, but I’ll probably have that for lunch.”
“Sounds good. I’ll leave you directions for reheating it,” Beck said, filling his mug with coffee. “Heavenly would help, but she’s studying for finals.” Besides, she wouldn’t be around to cook for Zach in the future. His brother needed to learn kitchen skills so he could eventually take care of himself.
“I’ll figure it out,” Zach snapped, then he sighed. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.”
He didn’t, but something was clearly bothering him.
Like losing a wife and daughter?
“It’s all good,” Beck assured as he eased onto the chair across from his brother. “You okay?”
“Fine.”
Bullshit. But Beck was trying to figure out how to broach the topic that had kept him up half the night when Zach broke into his thoughts.
“What are you doing up so early?”
“Couldn’t sleep, so I decided I’d get up and start my rounds. Did you sleep okay?”
“I did, until…” He glanced upstairs, then Beck’s way with a pointed stare.
Zach had heard him and Seth making love to Heavenly? Beck grimaced. “Ahh. Sorry, man. We…forgot we weren’t alone.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s your house, and I’m not complaining. I’m grateful you offered me a place to stay.”
Unwittingly, Zach had given Beck the perfect opening. He wished he didn’t have to take it.
“About that… You don’t know Seth well, but eight years ago, while he was living in New York, he lost a wife and child, too. They were murdered.”
“Like mine.” Zach scrubbed a hand down his face.
“Yes. Watching you deal with your loss and grief has caused his to resurface. He’s not handling it well.”
“Is that why he’s rarely around? Because of me?”
Beck heaved a sigh. “Yes and no. It’s not you. Being around you is simply a reminder of all he lost. He knows exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. It’s like looking in a mirror and reliving the most horrific time of his life all over again.”
“If you think it will help, I’ll talk to him.”
Amazing. Zach was suffering, but he was still willing to help someone whose pain was years old, while Seth couldn’t seem to find a fucking ounce of compassion to help his brother, who was currently enduring the worst of his grief. The fact that Zach might interpret his insistence to move elsewhere as him choosing Seth over his own brother added another layer to Beck’s guilt, along with a boatload of anger.
“Thanks for the offer, but that’s not what he needs. You ever heard the adage ‘out of sight, out of mind’?”
“Of course.” Zach’s nod slowed as he digested Beck’s question. “You want me to leave.”
“I don’t want you to, but—”
“It’s okay, brother.” Zach sent Beck a crooked smile. “It’s ironic you brought this up. I woke this morning, pondering the kindest way possible to ask if I could find a place of my own.”
That took Beck aback. “You did?”
“Again, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but…” Zach scanned the room and frowned. “I don’t feel like this is where I’m supposed to be. It’s hard to sort everything out here. You and Heavenly are so attentive and worried about leaving me alone that it’s hard to just be with my thoughts.”
Shit. As a kid, Zach had always been the quietest of the Kimball brothers. He’d preferred his own company, especially when something troubled him. “I’m sorry for not realizing…”
“How could you? And I would never want to upset you or Heavenly. I don’t pretend to understand your relationship, but I know my first assumption, that any woman involved sexually with two men at once must be a harlot, is wrong. Heavenly is a genuinely sweet and kind person. I would never want to upset her or seem ungracious, but she often tries to engage or distract me, asking if I want to watch a movie, swim, talk, or…” He shrugged. “Right now, I’d rather be alone.”