Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 131888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 528(@250wpm)___ 440(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 659(@200wpm)___ 528(@250wpm)___ 440(@300wpm)
“Do you normally proposition men in your yard?”
“Only when my milkshake brings all the boys to it.” At least she didn’t sing that catchy song.
“I…” He seemed to glitch again. “What?”
She laughed and shook her head. “Nothing. It was a joke that didn’t come off quite as I’d hoped. This is why I’m in real estate and not on stage doing standup. Anyway… Since you’re here, you might as well come inside.”
“I… can’t.”
“Oh, you can. You just don’t want to.”
“No, that’s the problem…” He once again pulled in a deep breath. “I want to.”
At least he recognized that he was interested. She could work with that. “Then, what’s stopping you?”
He stared in the direction her father disappeared.
She frowned. “My father?”
“Not afraid of him.”
Liyah kept the fact that he probably should be to herself. She was damn sure he knew all about her father. The same way he knew her address.
“You’re allowed to enjoy life, Nox, without feeling guilty when you do. It’s not heartless, it’s human and, despite how empty you feel, you are human. We all need time and attention from others. Since your person is no longer able to give it to you, you need to get it from someone else.”
“My person?”
“Yes, it’s clear that your late wife was ‘your person.’ What others may call a soulmate. Mark was mine.”
“Was it difficult?”
“Was what difficult?”
“Moving on. Having,” he jerked up a shoulder, “relationships—sexual or otherwise—with others. After.”
“It took a while. I had to remind myself I wasn’t cheating on Mark. Or even cheating on his memory. That was the most difficult. One night in bed, I couldn’t sleep because I was missing him so damn much that my heart ached unbearably. I knew I couldn’t keep going on like that. Life had turned into a chore. I wouldn’t let myself have fun or open up to other people. That night it hit me… If the roles had been reversed, if it would’ve been me who died first... what would I have wanted Mark to do?”
Nox already knew where her speech was headed because his extremely tight jaw shifted, but that didn’t stop her from continuing.
“Live. I would’ve wanted Mark to continue living his life to the fullest. I wasn’t doing that. When Mark died, I died, too. Yes, I was still standing and breathing, functioning as best as I could, but I was dead inside. I knew I had to break free of that before Devyn was born. Did I still grieve? Of course. But I actually finished going through the stages instead of remaining stuck.
“That’s not to say I still don’t feel sorry for myself on occasion and wonder what our life would’ve been like if he was still with us. But the reality is, he isn’t. He’s gone and never coming back. Wallowing in my grief will never change that. But I have a different outlook now. I try to live a life that would make Mark proud. Maybe he can see that from wherever he is, maybe he can’t. We don’t know what’s on the other side. But why not live the best life you can in the short time we have on this Earth? Because as you and I both know all too well, life can be very, very short for some of us.”
With his hands on his hips, he now stared at his boots, his chest pumping after she hit him with some hard truths.
Still, she wasn’t done.
“And because life is so damn short, we shouldn’t waste even a minute of it.”
“Is that what you think we’re doing by standing out here?”
She didn’t because she got to share some wisdom with him, but she didn’t want to say that. She only hoped she was getting through to him.
Her heart bled for the man standing in front of her. She’d been in his shoes and knew it wasn’t easy.
“My father said something to my boys earlier that stuck with me. He told them they have their whole lives ahead of them and that he didn’t. He said time is ticking. He’s right and we need to make the most of that time.”
“By having sex.”
“By going after what you want.”
“You want me.”
“And you want me, even if you find it difficult to admit.” She curled her fingers around the T-shirt fabric at his stomach and whispered, “What could it hurt to lose yourself for a little while? I’m not asking for anything more than… you.”
He finally lifted his head again. His hazel eyes were now sharp. “You see me as a project. Something broken to be fixed.”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“How about the simple fact I find you attractive and intriguing? And sometimes I see the smallest glimpse of the man you used to be, even though you take great pains to hide it.”
“That glimpse you see… How would you know that was how I was before…” He pulled in another audible breath and instead of finishing that sentence, he left it like that.